Nice Try: Why Your Plan To End Assault In Comedy Isn't Working

A discussion about sexual assault and harassment has been brewing in the Chicago comedy community for a long time, and it seems the moment for it might finally be here. I was initially presented with the idea to write this post anonymously, but I have found extraordinary strength in refusing to apologize for who I am throughout my life, so I've chosen to write this as myself, Caroline Sabatier.

 

In Chicago, these conversations usually happen with a high level of anonymity. With anonymity comes vagueness, and vague situations lead to vague solutions. I'm here to take some of that vagueness away to show you why these common ideas for solutions are not currently effective.

 

Several years ago, I was harassed and assaulted over a period of time by an authority figure in my improv life at one of Chicago's leading comedy institutions. This is not the only distressing encounter I have had as a woman in comedy, but it is the one I'll be discussing below. I often hear that we wouldn't have this issue of harassment and assault  if women took the following steps:

 

Step 1. Be specific and name the perpetrator.

Step 2 . Report them to the theater they are associated with.

Step 3. Report them to the police.

Step 4. Listen and support each other more.

 

This sounds like a nice plan, right? However, I either did or attempted to do all of these things and am sad to say they were not the answer. If you are a woman in comedy, here are some things that may happen to you if you try to complete these steps.

 

Step 1: Naming the perpetrator:  Unless the perpetrator essentially has a criminal conviction against them, they can and will sue you for defamation because you will not have absolute proof to counter them. I was warned about this by multiple attorneys in my legal journey, so don't doubt that this is a serious risk. I don't know a lot of improvisers who are financially or mentally prepared to handle such a lawsuit, and the threat of a defamation suit is a huge reason why people eventually have to quiet down and drop their case. Also, imagine being told you are a liar after you finally start to take control of what has happened to you - by the person who did it.

 

Step 2: Reporting to the theater:  You may be told that your anonymity cannot be protected due to the needs of a potential investigation by the theater. Due to the threat of defamation, I was never able to name my attacker and to my knowledge, he continues to teach.

Step 3: Reporting to the police:  This is one of the most difficult things I have ever, ever done in my life. I'm sorry to say this, but Olivia Benson is not waiting for you at the police station. The cop who takes your statement may do so over the counter in the lobby of the station for hours at a time, while people wander in and out to report their car accidents or lost wallets. You may cry so hard that you need to rinse off  your contact lenses before you leave so that you can see well enough to get home. You may start to live an inexplicably odd double life, where police and detectives call you at all hours of the day and night and show up at your door unannounced with questions. You cannot tell anyone these things while they are happening because you might compromise your own investigation. You may spend nights trying to breathe into plastic evidence bags while they ask you questions like: "Does this happen to you a lot? What were you wearing? Would you have gone to dinner with him, if he'd asked you?" They may call you and read you his text messages and emails over the phone and ask you if you can remember what you said back. They may ask you, "Why are you just reporting this now?" It is because you are ready today. It is because it is your right to report a crime that has been committed against you.

 

They test you out to see how you might do as a witness. In reality, when an assault case is not considered "ideal," meaning a stranger in an alley attacked you and you reported it immediately, law enforcement will try to find ways to disqualify your case from being valid. Prosecutors don't like to take cases they can't win easily, so they're not an ally of yours either. Eventually, you may find yourself wondering how this became such a commonly shared experience among women. As a woman, you are often never taught how to recognize or react to dangerous situations with people you know. Our culture only prepares us for the strangers in the alley. You may not realize how much danger you are in until you are incapable of escaping a situation that at first seemed harmless. We are at great risk when we are unprepared, and many if us are. 

 

Step 4: Being more supportive:  This might be the hardest part because these perpetrators may be your friends, or your friends' friends. You may like them, respect them, and trust them. You may emulate their careers. Some of these stories you have been hearing lately may seem unbelievable to you. Our brains are masters of overcoming cognitive dissonance. When we are uncomfortable or confused, our neurons go to great lengths to make us feel okay again. This is why people seem supportive when things stay vague, but as soon as someone they like is named, the victim suddenly becomes a liar. I encourage you to start challenging your brain on this. When something seems unbelievable to you, it does not mean that it is. Question that instinct.

 

I've just given you a lot of reasons as to why you should not follow these steps, so let me give you a reason why you should:

 

While the most difficult, Step #3 is also one of the bravest things I have ever done and is absolutely what has enabled me to move on with my life. The minute you do it, the crime is no longer all on you anymore. You can breathe again. It will show you that the system is what is deeply flawed, not you. It will show you that you did everything in your power to find justice for yourself and to keep this from happening to someone else. And perhaps most importantly, your perpetrator is going to have to live forever with the knowledge that what they did to you was something you considered criminal. Even if you don't win or see a day in court, this is all worth it. Perpetrators are pros at cognitive dissonance too. They have probably convinced themselves that what they did to you was no big deal. You may have even convinced yourself of this. You have the power to take that comfort away from them. You don't have to let them get away with it.

 

And right now, we are all helping them get away with it. When you go to or teach your class at the theaters that support these men, you are helping them get away with it. When you hear the rumors over and over again and don't tell anyone in a position of authority, you are helping them get away with it. When you give them awards and accolades and reward them with positions of power, you are helping them get away with it. And it has to stop.

 

One night when I was 17, I was waiting with my dad for a public bus in Washington DC. My dad was a military veteran who was shot in the spinal cord while on active duty, so he used a wheelchair. The first bus that came didn't have a functioning wheelchair lift, so we waited for the second. When the second bus didn't have one either, we waited for a third. And when the third bus came and didn't have one, we sat in the street in front of the bus until they finally sent one with a working lift. My dad was a badass civil rights activist and attorney during his life, and that night, he explained to me that of course the people yelling at us to get out of the street didn't understand. They could all walk and wouldn't be able to understand a denial of civil rights until they couldn't.

 

Will you come sit in the street with me, my friends? If you've never experienced harassment in this community, come sit with those who have until a working bus comes. And for those of you who have, I want you to know that it will not always be like this. You will laugh and feel normal again. You will shine bright like a diamond and be a damn superstar. This experience has changed my life. After experiencing the deficiencies in our criminal justice system firsthand, I have decided to become a lawyer and am headed to one of the best law schools in the country this fall. There is hope. But I need your help.

 

On Monday, February 1, 2016, I'm proposing a comedy blackout in Chicago in honor of ever y person who has left the entertainment industry because they were hurt by someone else in it, and did not feel they had a any other choice but to get out.

 

We don't go to shows, we don't go to class, we don't go to these theaters.

 

Tag the theater you would have been at with a post about why you are not there and the hashtags #womenincomedy, #madfunnywomen  

 

We don't learn to stop playing with fire because someone tells us to.

 

We stop because we get burned.